Anniversary Staycation: Our Pearls of Wisdom After 7 Years of Marriage
This year marked my 7th year of marriage to Reece and it was an extra special occasion since we were married on the 7th of the 7th 2012. And let me tell you, the date was totally unintentional when we picked it, but I kinda love it!
Since I am pregnant and long travel has become less of an option for me as my belly grows, we ended up staying fairly close to where we live on the Sunshine Coast. I couldn’t rate our accommodation higher if I tried, it was just the most perfect stay at The Pool House in Mooloolaba. It may have rained almost the whole weekend, but we so didn’t care. Every little bit was thoughtful, stylish and comfortable and we will definitely stay again when our expectant bubs is old enough for us to spend the night away.
We have certainly been through our ups and downs in our marriage, and since we’ve technically been together for over a decade now including our pre-marriage relationship, I feel like we are beginning to collect little pearls of wisdom and I’d like to share them with you. I also got Reece to write down what he’s learned. By no means are we experts.
Commit to small acts of romance.
Even if it is simply leaving a loving post-it note somewhere you know the other will find it, making time to have a cuppa together, or getting dressed up to have dinner at home. Find ways to incorporate small moments for each other.
Something we commit to every year is putting together a photoshoot for a different fairytale each year. It’s something not everyone can do I know, but it certainly keeps our creativity going since we’ve always been a creative team, and we were totally excited to incorporate a photoshoot on our Anniversary weekend activities.
What I suggest is to have a think about your common interests and what you could do annually that explores and celebrates those interests.
There is more than one way to handle a confrontation.
In our relationship, I am very reactive, whereas Reece is so not. Something I think we’ve both learned is to wait to cool down before discussing an issue, and on the flip side be open and verbalise thoughts and opinions in a calm manner. Just this weekend we were both irritable, and instead of blowing up at each other in anger, I eased Reece’s headache with a quartz facial roller and we spoke softly and admitted we were both kinda shitty.
We have had our fair share of tough and stressful times, particularly over the last 18 months with pregnancy loss, family issues and general parenting. I am so thankful that I am almost due for our next baby, but it hasn’t been an easy road. Reece’s buoyant nature and my wicked sense of humour has helped us get through a lot. It’s probably why we’ve got mainly comedies on our Netflix watch list too.
I feel like everyone says this and it’s clearly fundamental to a successful marriage, however actually hearing and understanding what the other person is saying can be difficult. It takes mistakes and communication to TRULY master listening to your partner. I’m still working on this and trying hard not to fix a problem that Tahlee might be having. Sometimes you just need to vent, not have a solution and just have the other person listen and have empathy.
Learn each others love languages.
Most people have heard of the Five Love Languages; words of affirmation, quality time, receiving of gifts, acts of service and physical touch/affection. These are no joke, all are integral to a happy marriage and understanding which of these is most important to your partner can be the key to their happiness. Knowing if you have different primary love languages can be so eye opening and improve your communication ten-fold.
For example Tahlee’s primary love language is quality time followed closely by words of affirmation. I need to spend time with her [without phone scrolling] doing things she loves, which could just be having a hot drink together, and also to tell her that I appreciate her and the things she does so that she feels loved and supported.
In order for me to feel appreciated and loved I need Tahlee to be affectionate with me, with my close second being words of affirmation. I also need her to tell me she appreciates and loves me [which being a talker she does often]. Simply knowing that about each other has definitely helped our marriage and love stay strong.
Don’t take life too seriously.
If you can find the joke in anything and laugh off hardships together, it will make like so much easier. I thinks having a similar/same sense of humour as your partner is one of the most important aspects to a lasting relationship. Don’t get me wrong you need to know when it’s appropriate to laugh and joke, but making each other laugh can diffuse most tense situations.
Humour makes all things tolerable
Laugh when you don’t feel like laughing. If you see your partner is having a bit of a down day or is stressed, the best medicine is laughter. If you’ve had a tough day, no, especially if you’ve had a tough day, you need to laugh. It flushes out the nervous system and releases that extra weight of whatever you’re carrying around [there’s scientific studies on this, you should look it up]. Look for the funny around you, create it when you have to. you never know where you can find a good laugh. Study and find your partners funny bone, wherever it’s located, most of the time it’ll be very close to yours so find it and use it at lease once a day.
Fuck Yeah Parenting!
Reece and I try to work as a team in all things, and this includes high-fives and cheering each other on. It is so important to celebrate the small wins among the chaos of raising children. I am no expert at parenting tips, but I have learnt this in our experience of parenting Logan. Fuck Yeah Parenting is taking a small moment after one of you has say averted a tantrum, or talked your child through something difficult, or simply dealing with a crazy situation in a calm and controlled manner [this doesn’t always happen so it’s worth celebrating]. Find a moment to notice when your partner has dealt with something well, let them know you noticed and give them a quiet ‘Fuck Yeah’ high-five or fist bump.
>>Now here are some sweet snaps from our Anniversary Staycation. Enjoy!